Weekly blog #157: How the Italian language was vital for my move to Milan

Last week, I told you that after deciding I was going to move to Milan, I very consciously set out to explore those specific elements that make me happy. The music industry, for example, which, after being part of the Eurovision Song Contest twice, I suddenly looked at with very different eyes. But actually, it was much more than that.

I kept my gaze tightly on his face to witness his honest reaction. Somehow, I expected him to laugh at me

It was during an outside dinner in a piazza in Monopoli, in Puglia, last summer, where I asked my best friend Lucas a question. Something I had felt for a while already, but kind of dismissed as nonsense: “Could it be possible that a part of me has become Italian? And could it also be true that, no matter how hard I’d try, I would never be able to completely ignore that?” It felt so stupid to say this out loud, and I kept my gaze tightly on his face to witness his honest reaction. Somehow, I expected him to laugh at me a little. But the opposite was the case. “Yes but of course, that’s evident to me,” was his dead-serious reply. When I got the same reaction from my mother, I fully dared to admit it. For wherever I had briefly considered going back to the Netherlands – and stay close to my family and friends – I now knew that my path would lead me back to Italy.

During my time in Rome, a kind of misalignment began to emerge in my life that disturbed me more and more

But this time it was going to be different. More real, if you can put it like that. Because during my time in Rome, a kind of misalignment began to emerge in my life that disturbed me more and more. Although I had a generous circle of friends made up almost entirely of Italians, and non-Italians with whom I spoke in Italian, I hardly ever used Italian for my professional activities, which were almost all focused on the world outside Italy. That felt less and less aligned with who I am. I also noticed that other foreigners in Rome who had moved for that idea of “la dolce vita”, in reality mostly British and American girls, actually interacted almost exclusively with each other, continued to speak their mother tongue, and had all – without exception – become English teachers, often even teaching online. I never belonged to such a group, and never desired to do so because I knew that for me, that wasn’t the essence of moving to Rome. Every day, this realisation grew stronger: if I did not have Italy with all her characteristics – the language, the customs, but definitely also the challenges of this country – flowing through my daily life, I would rather live in the Netherlands, surrounded by my dearest friends there. Because believe me when I say that there are a lot of people who live in Italy, without really living the Italian life. And I wholeheartedly think that is totally okay too, as long as you are happy yourself.

Who on earth were those people who claimed you could speak a language fluently in just two months?

I would dare to say that the language is the single biggest barrier to that full integration, and to be able to participate fully in everyday life. Think about it out for yourself. Regardless of where you live, it’s probably the same in your hometown. This often goes as far as being able to understand and speak the local dialect. And if there is one country where this is true, it’s Italy. For me, it was not any different. I only learnt Italian in adulthood. It was not at all that long ago that I could not even understand half of a conversation. Indeed, when I took a university course in Italian back in 2015, I understood basically nothing. And that totally made sense having never studied the language before but still, at times it did make me uncertain: who on earth were those people who claimed you could speak a language fluently in just two months?

But the fact that, as the years went by, I poured out my heart completely in Italian, understood the Roman dialect flawlessly and conducted even the most bureaucratic conversations entirely in Italian, did not fully dawn on me for a long time

Hence, when I moved back to Rome three years ago, I did not consider it possible yet for a large amount of time that I would speak Italian at such a level to establish professional relationships. Moreover, why would they choose me over an Italian? But the fact that, as the years went by, I poured out my heart completely in Italian, understood the Roman dialect flawlessly and conducted even the most bureaucratic conversations entirely in Italian, did not fully dawn on me for a long time. Until this year’s Eurovision Song Contest in Turin.

Over the radio, a kind of walkie-talkie we carried with us in accompanying the artists, communication was fast-paced, not irregular with the necessary emotional outbursts (welcome to Italy)

Because the great majority of the people working there were Italian. Over the radio, a kind of walkie-talkie we carried with us in accompanying the artists, communication was fast-paced, not irregular with the necessary emotional outbursts (welcome to Italy). Not only did I understand everything perfectly, I communicated without a hitch, at times when every minute and every word counted and we were performing a live show in front of two hundred million television viewers. It gave me a dose of self-confidence I didn’t even know I lacked.

I asked myself how on earth it all worked out so quickly

It was also the final push I needed to apply for a fantastic job in the music world for which they required to be “native Italian”, so with Italian as mother tongue. And now, exactly six months after Eurovision in Turin, I am leading a team in Italian. A team made up purely of Italians. The first week was beautiful but tough, and sometimes I wondered what I was getting myself into. At the same time, it gave me so much satisfaction. As I walked home the first day, through a street bustling with bars where people were having aperitivo, I asked myself how on earth it all worked out so quickly. I counted my blessings. Because having a purebred Roman as a colleague felt a bit like coming home. Coming home to Milan this time. 

Next week, I will talk about what else I was looking for, apart from the Italian language, and how I am now experiencing these things in my new life in Milan.