#70 For the women (English)

Today is International Women’s Day, a day that is much celebrated in Italy. People are queuing in front of flower shops, there are generous discounts for the occasion and women are put in the limelight. However, International Women’s Day is also about awareness, as this is still very much needed. This blog therefore has a more slightly more serious tone of voice than you are used to from me. Every woman sooner or later faces prejudice, discrimination or even intimidation. It is a subject I usually don’t really address, because I always choose to live my life focused on being grateful and positivity. But that does not mean that certain things are not there, or do not deserve attention. On the contrary. Because what does it mean to be a woman in Italy?

I lost count of the times I have been told – both by non-Italians and Italians themselves – that I must get a lot of attention from Italian men “with my blonde hair”. But how is it really?

If there’s one slogan Italy is known for, it’s “Ciao bella!” of course. I lost count of the times I have been told – both by non-Italians and Italians themselves – that I must get a lot of attention from Italian men “with my blonde hair”. But how is it really?

When I am having a coffee by myself or taking a walk on my own, I almost always get approached. In 90% of the cases by a man

When I am having a coffee by myself or taking a walk on my own, I almost always get approached. And to be clear: in 90% of the cases by a man. However, in most cases this is not with bad intentions, but more out of curiosity about what I am doing. Am I a tourist? Where do I come from? And why on earth did I choose the chaos of Rome over the organized life of the Netherlands? I often even enjoy these small talks because there are no wrong intentions behind it. In fact, I have gotten to know some very nice people this way. For example, a fortnight ago on the beautiful Campo dei Fiori, I was approached by a journalist who turns out to be very active in the field of women’s rights. Every year on International Women’s Day – like today – he organises an event around a victim of physical or emotional violence against women in order to create awareness.

Very different is the catcalling in the street, and the nasty and evil comments, which can be called downright intimidating. Last summer I unfortunately had to deal with it a lot

Very different is the catcalling in the street, and the nasty and evil comments, which can be called downright intimidating. Last summer I unfortunately had to deal with it a lot, mainly because I lived in a neighbourhood where this is a persistent problem. Because it really is a problem. However, it gives hope that through growing awareness – and because we use International Women’s Day to share these stories – it is increasingly recognised and penalised. 

After not even having set a foot outside, I was already harassed by a man who kept walking behind me while saying things that violated every rule of decency and respect

One sunny summer day, I went outside on my way to the station. I immediately regretted my choice for the summer dress I was wearing (even though it was almost 40 degrees). After not even having set a foot outside, I was already harassed by a man who kept walking behind me while saying things that violated every rule of decency and respect. For the umpteenth time, I turned around and urged him to leave me alone, while I emphasized that he was intimidating me and that I felt uncomfortable. However, what I hadn’t noticed yet was that we were now standing right in front of a parked police car. The police officer saw what was happening, got out and asked if there was a problem. After I exclaimed in frustration that I could never walk these streets in peace – because for the record: this was unfortunately not an exception but happened every single time I set foot outside the door – to my surprise, he took out his little book and wrote an official report for the man. That felt amazing. Finally, I got the official recognition that harassing women is simply a criminal offence. After two months of defending myself against all the hordes of men who were hanging around the block all day long, I had to control myself not to hug this police officer.

When me and my cousin were attacked in the street in the middle of the summer, by a brutal criminal who undoubtedly must have thought that those two blonde ladies in summery dresses and sandals were easy victims and who did not hesitate to violently throw me to the ground, I had had enough

But then, when me and my cousin were attacked in the street in the middle of the summer, by a brutal criminal who undoubtedly must have thought that those two blonde ladies in summery dresses and sandals were easy victims and who did not hesitate to violently throw me to the ground, I had had enough. The reason I left this neighbourhood – located in the heart of Rome with the most beautiful historical buildings, so in theory a great place to live – is purely because it is not safe for a woman. And if you think about it for a moment, the absurdity might dawn to you. Because unfortunately, we’ve gotten so used to these things to happen, that we forget how absurd it really is: that a woman cannot just live wherever she wants.

If you are a woman in danger, you shout “FIRE!” instead of “HELP!” because it is the sad reality that when people here there’s a fire, they are much more likely to actually come out

After all these years, countless incidents (most of them thankfully fairly ‘innocent’), I have learned a lot. If you are a woman in danger, you shout “FIRE!” instead of “HELP!” because it is the sad reality that when people here there’s a fire, they are much more likely to actually come out (a tip from the carabinieri). I now also know that in case of any kind of violence, even if it is only a few scratches, you have to have an official medical report drawn up at the hospital because otherwise the police will not be able to charge the perpetrators with violence (the inadequacy of a legal system…). When I come home alone at night, I always have the sharp key to the front door clasped between my fingers, and if someone is walking close behind me, I hold back to let them pass. When I’m walking behind a woman in the dark myself, I cough to let her know that I’m a woman too, so she undoubtedly feels safer. I have learned that any word or gesture from a man that makes a woman feel uncomfortable is downright harassment. And finally, I’ve learned – albeit with great difficulty – that it is often in your best interest to avoid certain situations rather than trying to change them.

There’s nothing more important in improving the position of women than men who are actively stepping up and use their voice

But this change, to my great delight, is definitely taking place. There’s nothing more important in improving the position of women than men who are actively stepping up and use their voice. Exactly what the policeman did that day, and the journalist who draws attention to the problem in the media. Men are simply more inclined to accept such a message if it comes from another man. And I am super happy that I can’t say else than that the vast majority of men in the world are very respectful, open-minded and understanding. Let’s make the world a better place, every day again and again so it becomes a safer place for everyone. Auguri a tutte le donne, siamo meravigliose!