With both Dutch and Italian news apps on my phone, last week was a bustle of breaking news push notifications. There’s no need to even mention the cause of this stream of news messages, as we all know it all too well unfortunately. The general message in all these news updates was clear: things are not going well, and they are even worse in the Netherlands than in Italy. And since it will be Christmas Eve in only ten days’ time, we can safely speak of another disaster that seems to be happening again.
The Italian news site La Repubblica had sent this message out into the world in a tone as if the Bible had added a third will
Among this whole series of corona news push notifications, there was one digital headline that particularly caught my attention: “The Ten Rules for Christmas Lunch”. The Italian news site La Repubblica had sent this message out into the world in a tone as if the Bible had added a third will. Despite the deep seriousness of the situation, I could not help but suppress a grin. Oh well, Italy and its complicated relationship with rules. It is one of the countries with the most written and unwritten rules in the world, and at the same time it has a population that has mastered the art of avoiding rules in all kinds of creative ways without really breaking them.
Contrary to the Netherlands and undoubtedly many other countries where people start discussing in September already about who is spending Christmas with who and where agendas have to be matched to decide whether it is going to be brunch, lunch, drinks or dinner, the Italian Christmas traditions are set in stone
So, there they were: the ten new rules for Christmas lunch. And I am not talking about the strict measures proclaimed by the government in the legal DCPM (that is name of the Italian decree) which, among other things, forbids unnecessary travel between regions in the Christmas period. No, these were the ten Golden Commandments for Christmas lunch. Contrary to the Netherlands and undoubtedly many other countries where people start discussing in September already about who is spending Christmas with who – Christmas brunch at his parents’, Christmas Day at your mother and stepfather’s, Boxing Day at your father’s and his new family’s, and shit, when are we going to Grandpa’s? – and where agendas have to be matched to decide whether it is going to be brunch, lunch, drinks or dinner, the Italian Christmas traditions are set in stone. In Italy, people simply go to their family where they stay all Christmas, also because of the greater distances travelled. And to be honest, isn’t that the most cosy and relaxed way to spend the holidays?
On Christmas Eve, la Vigilia di Natale, the big dinner takes place. The classic, large Italian dinner – outside Italy it is often thought that ‘Italians always dine like this’
Hence, no complicated planning or heated discussions on “what are we doing this year?”. Italians simply do what they have been doing for generations already. On Christmas Eve, la Vigilia di Natale, the big dinner takes place. The classic, large Italian dinner – outside Italy it is often thought that ‘Italians always dine like this’ – with the aperitivo, followed by a primo (pasta), followed by a secondo (main course) with contorni (side dishes), and concluded with a dolce (dessert). An important detail is that no meat is served on Christmas Eve, so the pasta is often a spaghetto alle vongole and the main course fish cooked in the oven. The next day, on Christmas Day, the Great Lunch takes place, which has the same extensive order of dishes. This meal is based on meat, however.
But when I asked if a pasta carbonara – my absolute favourite dish – could be served as a primo, he looked at me in horror. Of course not!
But what exactly do Italians eat at their big Christmas lunch? “Oh, that’s up to everyone”, was the answer of an Italian friend I inquired. But when I asked if a pasta carbonara – my absolute favourite dish – could be served as a primo, he looked at me in horror. Of course not! A pasta carbonara at Christmas, just the thought of it seemed too crazy for him. So, it turns out that “everyone decides for themselves” is not entirely without any guidelines on what’s appropriate. What had I said again earlier about all those unwritten rules in Italy?
Ten strict rules taking up a full page in the newspaper and sent to every single Italian who owns a phone through a BREAKING NEWS push notification
And now, in this bizarre year 2020, the famous Italian Christmas lunch is dictated by another ten rules. Ten strict rules taking up a full page in the newspaper and sent to every single Italian who owns a phone through a BREAKING NEWS push notification. Clearly, nobody wants a third wave of corona cases as an ugly post-Natale surprise, but that requires far-reaching rules dictated in great detail, as befits the Italians:
Regola uno: DISTANZA (distance)
The least-observed rule to date in Italy is the first one on the list. The seats must be one and a half metres apart, because “while talking, but especially while laughing” (this is really what it says), the virus is more likely to spread. Thank God, laughing is still allowed, as long as we place the chairs far enough from each other. The golden tip is to position the chairs like a chessboard and to use extra tables.
Regola due: ABBRACCI (hugs)
The tone is implacable: hugs should be completely eliminated this Christmas. Yes, even when exchanging presents after which the Italians usually keep each other in a warm embrace full of gratitude. It is going to be very weird, but unfortunately any cuddles and hugs are an assolutamente NO this year.
Regola tre: BICCHIERI (glasses)
It might be obvious but still: never drink from someone else’s glass. No, not even to have a little taste of that wine. The good news is: the Italians are still allowed to make a good toast (quite a relief for anyone who is even just a little superstitious), but then it’s absolutely forbidden if anyone has already taken a sip from their glass. In case of a walking dinner, there is a risk that glasses will be placed randomly in the room, and they get mixed up. To avoid this, name tags must be attached to the glasses. Children are advised to drink from different coloured cups.
Regola quattro: PIATTI (plates)
Those large platters and bowls full of pasta on the table for which Italian dinners are so famous and from which everyone scoops so abundantly? Rule number four banishes them from the Christmas table. If it is “really unavoidable” having them however, a separate set of cutlery should be used which under no circumstances touches the plates of the guests.
Regola cinque: POSATE (cutlery)
Again, never use your own cutlery to scoop up your food and never eat food that your mother, father, grandfather or niece has already touched with his or her cutlery. Unless you heat this food to 60 degrees Celsius again, then it’s okay. So, you’d better get that food thermometer out! Perhaps it’s a nice idea for a gift under the Christmas tree?
Regola sei: AVANZI (leftovers)
An average Italian Christmas lunch usually lasts for hours and hours. And I’m sure you know that feeling all too well: as long as that tasty food is in front of you, you keep taking more of it. However, after a while it naturally cools down and that is where the great danger lies. This year, therefore, rule number six prohibits this endless eating that we love so much. Can you really not resist that bit of leftover pasta that’s staring at you? Just warm it up to at least sixty degrees and it’s all yours.
Regola sette: TELEFONO (telephone)
It is well known that Italians love to make phone calls. Long and especially very loud phone calls (no doubt you can picture all those aerosols flying around now) with everyone who is dear to them. And of course, they do that – you guessed it – especially at Christmas when the telephone is passed on to every single person at the table so that everyone can personally give their Christmas wishes to Uncle Luigi on the other side of the country. But not this year. If it is really “unavoidable” to make phone calls with the family however, then it must be on speaker and the phone must be cleaned with a handkerchief.
Regola otto: CANTI DI NATALE (Christmas carols)
This one has an impact too. After all, is there any Italian family who doesn’t have that funny uncle who, after a five-hour lunch and a lot of wine, enthusiastically starts singing the good old Christmas carols? The newspaper article is inexorable however: not this year, Uncle Giovanni (although many Italians might find this rule applicable in other years too).
Regola nove: ASCIUGAMANI (towels)
Perhaps you hadn’t thought of that, had you? But detailed as they are, the Italians do not overlook anything. So, what about the little guest towel after a visit to the bathroom? Finally, there seems to be some good news: if one only touches the towel after washing their hands, the same towel can be used for all guests. However, do you have sweat running down your face because you just ruined the main course? Remember that under no circumstances should you wipe those drops of sweat from your head with the guest towel.
Regola dieci: FINESTRE (windows)
It’s time to get those woollen Christmas jumpers out because rule number ten says that the windows have to stay open. Is it really very cold?! That’s no excuse: windows should at least be ajar at all times to guarantee a supply of fresh air.
Undoubtedly, many Italians will be very creative when it comes to these rules, but there is one thing that worries me much more. Let us please agree on one thing
These are the ten commandments for 2020 that have been dictated to the Italians with far-reaching, detailed instructions. So do not secretly wipe your mouth using the guest towel and measure your food with a thermometer. The average Dutch person would probably find these rules incredibly childish, but the Italian – who is only used to lots and lots of rules – isn’t all too bothered. However, with the new, announced lockdown in the Netherlands and other countries, it would probably not do any harm to apply these Italian rules outside Italy too. Undoubtedly, many Italians will be very creative when it comes to these rules, but there is one thing that worries me much more. Let us please agree on one thing: that we will take the Christmas spirit more seriously than ever, and that we will do our utmost best to ensure that no one is left alone at Christmas. Even when chairs are placed like a chessboard, there’s a name tag on your glass of wine and the whole family is put on speaker.
With special thanks to: La Repubblica